Here be the writings of agenttrojie and tea_fiend. Be warned - slash, crack and overthinking lie within the pages of this journal.

We write heavily for the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, where we spork bad slash, bad het, mpreg and anything else that misuses biology. In the PPC section of this handy-dandy menu you will therefore find the adventures of Agents Trojie and Pads of the Department of Bad Slash, Agents Gypsy and Cray of the Division of Bad Het, Agents Veridian and Stevius of the Department of Character Protective Services, Agents Lasa and Mombi of the Department of Angst, and Agent Oscar of the Division of Mpreg.

Almost every PPC mission recorded here is at least rated M and more usually R. This is because we specialise in sporking smutfic, usually that which is rated NC-17, out of some misguided sense that we have to use our powers of unsquickableness for good, and with base material like that, even if we take out the worst excerpts, the end product is not going to be much lower rated. It is probably a good idea to assume that most missions are NSFW.

We also write slashfic for various continua of various ratings and degrees of silliness. We 'ship Edmund and Caspian (and agenttrojie mods the edmund_caspian LJ comm), and our version of their complicated love story (usually referred to as 'Poignant Pevensie Porn') can be found here.

There's even some genfic on this journal, believe it or not, as well as podfic and even the occasional fanvid.

There is also some original writing to be found here - the Saga of Clive and Lucien, a touching and frankly quite bizarre love story between an anthropomorphic caterpillar and his Adonis-like human mail-order toyboy which was spawned by tea_fiend's university creative writing course, and a present tense, stream of consciousness, rather bare and spartan protonovel about werewolves written sporadically by agenttrojie.

Trojie is also responsible for a large piece of nerdery in which she mapped Narnia, and the explanation for this can be found here.

As a side note, agenttrojie also conducts her personal online life via this journal, but most non-fic posts are friendslocked.

( PPC )
( Narnia )
( Pern )
( Harry Potter )
( Merlin (BBC) )
( Star Trek (2009) )
( Biggles )
( Prompts Game )
( Fanvids )
( Original Fic )
( PseudoBagEnders )
( The Good Omens Official Fanfiction Summer School )

Title: A Modicum of Pleasure
Author: xTJGx
Obligatory Linkage: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3912670/1/A_Modicum_of_Pleasure
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Sporking rated:
Sporkers' notes: Dumbledore and Dobby. There are no words. Consider yourself warned. NSFW, NSFB. This is the closest we ever came to actually having to stop writing so we could sit in a corner clutching a bottle and rocking back and forth while waiting for the men in white coats to come and take us away. It hurt. Thanks to ansela_jonla, lady_rilwen and cassie5squared for the beta. We applaud your bravery, even if we don't understand why you were all so eager.

( I'm going to have nightmares for the rest of time )

Title: of hot tubs and weevils
Author: punksbitch
Obligatory Linkage: http://tv.adultfanfiction.net/story.php?no=600094490
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Sporkage rated: R
Sporkers' notes: See Jack and Ianto. See Jack and Ianto run away from weevils. See Jack and Ianto stop to have sex in a hot tub. No, we don't really want to either. Contains no spoilers for Children of Earth, so don't worry. Betaed by ansela_jonla. Warning: contains gratuitous manlove and Science.

( Do you think you can actually get steel wool for your brain? )

Title: A harbour in the tempest
Author: agenttrojie
Fandom: Chronicles of Narnia - The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Given that no-one has yet turned up a book of angsty gay porn by C.S. Lewis, I am going to state that this is in fact NOT his work.
Notes: Title from U2 song 'All I Want Is You'. Written for and betaed by tea_fiend in order to help her recover from a long and tiring round of betareading - because porn is the gift for all occasions, even if the recipient then has to betaread it. Not part of the PPP series, because there is already a perfectly good Dragon Island porn scene in part two of Duty. However, this could potentially be read as a sequel to For You

( I could wait eternity for you, you know that. )

Title: Teatime Punished
Author: crudedude
Rating: M
Obligatory Linkage: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4766647/1/Teatime_Punished
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Sporking rated: R?
Sporkers' notes: Seriously NSFW and NSFB. This is all ansela_jonla's fault, as she brought this travesty to our attention. We do not own the song Jerusalem. Contains some spoilers for Terry Pratchett's Night Watch. Betaed by cassie5squared and ansela_jonla

( I know he was a weird little bastard, but there are limits. )

Title: The Dying Flame
Author: Akatsuki Mikami
Rating: PG-13 for angst and talk of death
Sporkage by: agenttrojie as Agents Lasa and Montbretia of the Department of Angst
Summary: Lasa and Mombi have to separate an anime character from a lot of whiskey. Literally. Betaed by tea_fiend and cassie5squared

( Stomach pump, please! I mean, I'd like one to take away. )

Part One

The second day of probability theory with John Alroy nearly killed us all, and that is all I'm prepared to say on the subject :)

We nerded out that night with a YouTube extravaganza, and Mark, Fred, Aaron and I stayed up til 3am talking Star Trek and assorted palaeo stuffs at the same time. Fred also told me she'd twigged me as a ficcer without me having actually mentioned it, which was scary. She's not, so no bonding on that score unfortunately, but weird to be picked up for it.

Then we had a day off. Felix and I went to the beach where we discussed whale phylogeny and mollusc ontogeny and he explained linear regression to me and I explained the beauty of studying ontogenetic trajectories with bivalves to him, both of us making much use of diagrams in the sand, and we saw pelicans.

I saw a hummingbird, omg.

That night Kaitlyn, Mark, Dino and I went to see Transformers 2, which was just a bundle of excess, but awesome :)

Today we had the first day of our R bootcamp with Gene Hunt, who is AWESOMESAUCE and such a good teacher, omg, loving it totally even though my brain feels like porridge now and I'm still not great at it. Tomorrow is more R.

Apparently it's Friday. I've completely lost track. Our weekends don't match up with real weekends - we work six days on, one day off, and the last two modules are separated by two days.

The place is still terrifying but I'm getting used to it.

Title: (Look at me) Looking in your eyes
Author: charlies_dragon
Fandom: Star Trek (2009) (a.k.a. Star Trek Reboot, Star Trek XI etc, you get the picture. The new one with the pretty CGI and pretty cast)
Obligatory Linkage:http://community.livejournal.com/dragons_horde/15408.html#cutid1
Rating: NC-17
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Notes: A short and sweet one. For a given value of sweet, anyway. We appear to be posting out of order rather, thanks to the ST:XI film being released in May while our last published mission was in February. If anyone's got any horrors for us to tackle that were posted before March 2009, let us know so we can fill in the chronological gap. Betaed by ansela_jonla and cassie5squared.

( Pavel Chekov does not count as a Cute Animal Friend. )

Just a short one, now that I've got the hang of cutting songs to just the bits I want, using a fiendish combo of programmes.

This is, a) crack and b) for ineptshieldmaid, who needs distraction.

Basic setup - I'm sick of Merlin falling into Arthur's arms even if he does have a crush. I'd be pissed at Arthur's boorish behaviour.

So. Merlin's got a crush on Arthur but really wishes he didn't. He organises a night out with Gwen to take his mind off things, but guess who crashes the party?

( Disclaimer: This is really not the kind of music I *habitually* listen to ... )

Title:Duty
Author: agenttrojie and tea_fiend
Fandom: Narnia, (bookverse) 'Voyage of the Dawn Treader'
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: We are not C.S. Lewis. Because our Muse is Edmund and his was clearly Lucy.
Summary: Sequel to Honour and Loyalty (part one and part two). Edmund/Caspian, Caspian's POV. Set during 'Voyage of the Dawn Treader'. Edmund's return to Narnia is everything Caspian could have hoped for, at least at the beginning. But everything is a lesson.
Warnings: Slash, overthinking, confusion, drunkenness, hammocks, bulkheads, sailors' knots... the usual combo. Spoilers for 'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader', and it would really, really help to have read that. In fact, bits of the fic probably won't make sense if you haven't read it. Titles in the piece indicate at what portion of VODT the action is taking place - this fic aims to fit *around* the book rather than take the place of any of it.

Beta-read by the wonderful ansela_jonla

( Only Trumpkin ever thinks to ask him <i>why</i> he is so keen to sail East )

(discussing how whatever you find out is always subject to change upon discovery of one more fact and how this shouldn't freak scientists out):

'Truth is the business of philosophers and clerics. Discovery and exploration is the stuff of science.' - D. A. MacLennan and D. R. Brooks in 'Fossils, Phylogeny and Form'

This. Yes.

Begging for reviews? Gets you less and makes you look desperate.

Pointing out how great an author you think you are and how you definitely don't make those common mistakes that all the n00bs commit makes you look arrogant.

Telling me it's your first fanfic EVAR is more likely to make me not read it than anything else.

Asserting that you're a shit writer is fishing for compliments.

Spelling mistakes in headers? Not a good look. Ditto lolcat. Ditto trying to make a joke out of the fact that you've not bothered to find a beta ('Unbet'd cos that's how I roll' is not a statement I ever want to see again, thank you). Proofreading. Is. Important. Bitches.

Y'know that thing about first impressions? Still holds for fanfic headers.

ansela_jonla and I occasionally have some very weird cross-purpose, cross-fandom discussions ...

( Tactics in the Napoleonic Wars; Lesson One - lime and virgins )

ME: Behold my new desktop background!
GARY: Well, at least it's got more than just Chekhov on it...

I think he may have cottoned on to my obsession ...

My colossal squid - I thought I'd let you all see her in her natural habitat

( Have you hugged your cephalopod today? )

Some time ago, tea_fiend wrote a fic called 'The Art of Subtlety', which looked to me like it would be a great deal of fun to read out loud. So I have done so:

Title: The Art of Subtlety
Author: tea_fiend
Reader: agenttrojie
Link: Here

Enjoy!

Title: First Time
Author:skandar4life
Rating: NC-17 - dub-con, mentions of spousal rape, dubelube.
Obligatory linkage: http://community.livejournal.com/narnia_slash/399593.html
Sporked by: agenttrojie and tea_fiend, as Veridian and Stevius
Notes: This fic is another one of those really, really disturbing ones we take on. If dub-con disturbs you, please don't read on. This fic basically involves a terrified Skandar being relieved of his virginity by an oblivious Ben Barnes. The author appears to think that a) the smaller guy automatically bottoms, and b) it's somehow romantic to be horrifically frightened of sex and yet still go through with it. We'd rather like to smack her around and then send her to therapy for the obvious problems she has.

( I'm almost starting to wish for some femmeslash, just so that I no longer have to suffer your apparent delusion that you are in fact Mr Keynes's rabidly over-protective mother )